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Latest from the 2008-2009 Georgia Issues Guide, Policies that Affect Georgia's Families

Summary of the Issue

Divorce and out-of-wedlock childbirth result in great costs to our state -- most importantly, the human cost of suffering and social ills more likely to be experienced by people lacking an intact, healthy family.  However, the state also bears significant financial costs when families fail.  Family fragmentation is currently costing the state of Georgia at least $1.46 billion per year.

Government policies that foster an environment where marriages are healthier and divorce is less likely will go a long way toward alleviating many of the other social burdens that legislature is forced to address each day.

Why it Matters to Families

Nearly every social problem we face today is tied to family breakdown.  Divorce is the number one cause of family breakdown and children of divorce are more likely to experience depression, drop out of school, end up in prison, give birth out of wedlock, live in poverty, abuse drugs and alcohol, commit suicide, engage in sex at an early age and have failing marriages themselves.

Bottom Line:  when families fall apart, or fail to form, people are more likely to suffer.  We should be compelled to foster an environment where families thrive and troubled families can get the help they need.

• More than a third of all U. S. children are now born outside of wedlock, including25 percent of non-Hispanic white babies, 46 percent of Hispanic babies, and 69 percent of African American babies.

• Potential risks to children raised in fragmented families have been identified to include poverty, mental illness, physical illness, infant mortality, lower educational attainment, juvenile delinquency, conduct disorders, adult criminality and early unwed parenthood.

We Never Disagree!

            Have you ever wondered about people who say that they never disagree?  Do you think they are normal?  NOT!  We are going to have our disagreements.  However, couples who make it through disagreements are the ones that learn that you can learn to agree to disagree.  They also learn that personal attacks or criticism of character are daggers to a marriage.

                                                                                                   From:  ACME Newsletter , Spring , 2009

Dullness Can Kill a Marriage

            A team of U. S. researchers has concluded that problems don’t hurt a marriage, but dullness – being in a rut – does.  Irene Tsapelas and Arthou Aron of Stony Brook University and University of Michigan researcher Terri Orbuch interview a representative U. S. sample of 123 married couples seven years into their marriage, and then interviewed them again nine years

 later, 16 years into their marriage.

            As part of the interview taking part in the seventh year of marriage, couples were asked, “During the past month, how often did you feel that your marriage was in a rut, or getting into a rut, that you do the same thing all the time and rarely get to do exciting things together as a couple?”

            The study, published in the journal Psychological Science, said that key finding was that those who were bored with the marriage at year seven experienced a greater decrease in satisfaction at year 16.  Those who were not bored at year seven experienced a typical small decrease in satisfaction at year 16.

            Most marital research has focused on eliminating problems, but some studies indicate that a larger problem faced by many long-term couples is simple boredom and lack of excitement, Aron said.  The study said being bored reduces closeness, which in turn caused reduced satisfaction.

                                                                                                Source:  YellowBrix, United Press International

                                                                                                Published in:  ACME Newsletter, Spring, 2009

MARRIAGE WORKS TAKES ON NEW PROGRAMS

Posted November 29, 2008

Marriage Works, Inc. at its last Board meeting voted to move in the direction of providing non-profit and low cost services in several endeavors.   Marriage Works, based in Henry County has promoted healthy marriage and family initiatives since its incorporation in 1999.   

Plans now are to broaden the work beyond the original Marriage Works plans to include a faith based counseling center, programs for congregational development and support, employee and staff support for businesses, support of a congregational nursing program, and a professional organization for professional faith based leaders.

These new initiatives are now underway with the resources to provide education, counseling and support in personal growth, relationships, staff and leadership development.  Our leaders have many years of experience in these fields and are providing programs to individuals, couples, families, churches and organizations on a regular basis.

A recent development is the organization of an Atlanta Chapter of the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy, or CPSP, sponsored by Marriage Works.  CPSP is a professional organization of persons trained in Clinical Pastoral Education, psychology and theology.  The purpose of CPSP is to provide oversight and support for the education, training and clinical certification of chaplains, pastoral counselors, training supervisors and pastoral psychotherapist.

 The congregational support services and parish nursing are programs under development.  Business plans are developing to support these initiatives.  Anyone interested in any of these areas who would like to volunteer for any this work are welcomed.  

 To contact speakers and for information on these subjects and programs, and for funding opportunities, contact Chaplain Bob Griffin, at 404-444-8248, or e-mail: bgryphon@earthlink.net.  Visit our website: www.marriageworksga.org.

TAX PAYERS SHOULDER COST OF DIVORCE AND UNWED CHILDBEARING

Posted April 15, 2008

Taxpayers are shouldering at least $112 billion in annual costs related to divorce and unwed childbearing--that is the conclusion of a first-ever study released by Georgia Family Council and three other partnering organizations.  

 For the state and local taxpayers of Georgia, divorce and unwed childbearing costs $1.46 billion each year. That amount represents almost 8 percent of the 2007 state budget of $19.2 billion.  

""Both economic and human costs make family fragmentation a legitimate public concern. Historically, Americans have resisted the impulse to surrender to negative and hurtful trends. We fight problems like racism, poverty and domestic violence because we understand that the stakes are high. And because the stakes are high, citizens of good will from most every sector of American life band together to bring about change and improve the conditions in which we live. We can certainly be doing more to help marriages and families succeed."  

Lives Are Being Changed – FIREPROOF

Posted October 24, 2008

As of this date more than 3 million people have see the film, FIREPROOF... and have been impacted by it.  As Larry reports, the impact is eternal:  “I am a police officer and a bi-vocational pastor.  Last week, a detective asked if he could see me in his office.  I noticed that there were tears in his eyes.  He looked at me and said, ‘Larry, I want to become a godly man.  I have done things that I am not proud of and I want to change.’   When I asked what got him to thinking about making a change in his life, he said, ‘My wife and I went to see a movie called FIREPROOF.  I saw a lot of myself in that movie and it did not make me proud.”

While FIREPROOF has done exceedingly, abundantly more than we could have hoped for or imagined there are still millions of people who would greatly benefit from seeing this film.  It’s easy to set on the sideline and cheer on the impact of the film.  But there are marriages crumbling all around you.  Who knows what an invitation from you could mean?  

Just ask Nancy :“We were on the brink of divorce.  My husband and I were separated for one year.  Our story was very similar to the one in the movie.  I did not want to go see it at the time, especially with my husband.  I finally agreed to go as a coupe after an invitation from a friend and her husband.  I was very uncomfortable and nervous before the movie even started.  As I watched the story unfold, God spoke to me over and over again.  I cried through most of the movie, realizing that I was being selfish and I had hurt my husband severely.  After it was 

over, we went home and discussed participating in the Fireproof study with the same couple that had gone with us to the movie.  We have completed the second week of study.  My life has change and so has my marriage.  We have a long road ahead, but we’re on the right path.”

The movie is playing in 883 theaters this weekend, more people will be touched.

DISSING MARRIAGE?            

Posted October 17, 2008

Marriage isn’t getting much respect on network TV shows, according to a study released by the Parents Television Council.  The watchdog group claims TV Shows recently have demonstrated an obsession with outré or bizarre behavior, including partner swapping and pedophilia.  References to pornography, sex toys and “kinky” behavior are now common on TV.  Visual references to practices such as voyeurism and sadomasochistic sex outnumbered references to married sex by a ratio approaching 3 to 1 (Associated Press)  

Is My Marriage in Trouble?

Posted October 23, 2008

Marital distress is one of the most frequently encountered and disturbing human problems. Everyone who is married experiences difficulties, but for some, these troubles reach the point that partners become profoundly disappointed and upset about their marriages and may even come to question whether they want to continue to remain married. Marital distress is very unsettling and the ways marital problems often progress make it easy for things to go from bad to worse. 

However, in most situations, this flow in a negative direction can be altered. Most marriages can return to being satisfying. Sometimes people can make these changes on their own, but frequently help from (professionals is needed). No one has a perfect marriage, and almost every couple can benefit from some help at times with their marriage. 

Pre-marital preparation and marital enrichment programs are available in many localities and most people find them helpful regardless of how well their relationship is going. And many people seek couple counseling with a trained therapist to improve their marriages even when their marriages are not unduly distressed. You don’t need to be in a distressed marriage to be in marital therapy. Many people with very solid marriages choose this path to enhance their relationships.  

Experiencing marital distress, however, represents a different state from the ups and downs of life in marriage that most people experience. In distressed marriages, people feel fundamentally dissatisfied with their marriages. Disappointment in the relationship doesn’t just come and go; it is a constant companion. Most frequently, couples with high levels of marital distress fight a good deal and their fights don’t lead to resolution, but simply a sense of being worn out. Or they may not fight, but simply feel completely disconnected. 

People stop doing nice things for each other, they stop communicating, and things tend to go from bad to worse. Frequent arguments that don’t get resolved, loss of good feelings, and loss of friendship, sex and vitality are other signs that a marriage is distressed. Other signs, such as contempt, withdrawal, violence, and a complete loss of connection signal that a marriage is in desperate trouble and that it is at high risk for divorce. And you need not be legally married to have “marital distress.” Serious, long-term, committed relationships can experience these kinds of major problems, too.  

The good news is that there are effective treatments for marital distress. Given a willingness to work on a marriage, most people can make their marriages satisfying again. Treatment for marital distress is in part building or rebuilding the skills that work in marriage, such as learning to communicate and problem solve, and how to fight without engaging in too much hurt. Partly, marital therapy is about partners working to see each other as people, to understand where they are coming from, and to negotiate those differences that can be negotiated and accept those differences that cannot. 

Couples all have issues that stay with them; the key is to build a process that can help find a way 

to talk about those issues, to find solutions, and not have the problems that emerge in life become overwhelming.  

By Jay Lebow

AAMFT Consumer Update Marital Distress 2002  

@2006  Marriage Works, Inc.

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